For Women Only - Tip #5 – “Modeling Through a Difficult Mother’s Day”

It’s Mother’s Day – a day when your children are supposed to eagerly feed you breakfast in bed, inundate you with pink tulips, words of praise, and gift certificates to your favorite shoe stores.  But what if they don’t?

In our lives as mothers, there might be certain years when this particular day seems especially difficult.  After all, no other day touches the sensitive nerve of our very existence more than this one.

But the fact remains, circumstances arise with our children where sometimes it’s out of our control to change  a situation.  I’m especially mindful today of women I know that are struggling. Perhaps you would resound, “Pam, I’m one of those friends you’re talking about.” 

I understand.

- For the woman never married, ‘Mother’s Day’ is a painful reminder that apart from adoption, she’ll never have the children she desired.

- For the woman who longs to conceive, it’s a reminder of a dream that lies outside her ability to control.

- For the woman who’s single again, widowed, or without a husband in the home, it’s a reminder that her family unit feels incomplete.

- For the woman who’s lost her mother, it’s a poignant reminder of the brevity of life.

- For the woman with children at home, it’s a reminder of the difficulty of having to wear so many hats.

- For the woman who’s lost a child, it’s a reminder of a life dearly missed.

- For the woman who has a prodigal child, it’s a reminder of a deep sadness that’s beyond her ability to fix
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- For the woman whose children are grown and gone, it’s a reminder of what used to be and a consideration of, “Where have all these years gone?”

These all remain real-life scenarios. So how can you get through this day without your heart totally ripping apart? I’ve come up with a few ideas that might lighten your load.

Let God bring you comfort.  God sees; God knows; God understands.  Something happens when we concentrate on His character above our pain.  He loves your children more than you. He is faithful.  You can trust Him when it looks impossible.

Focus on your luxuries not your lack.  Certainly you have more blessings than you deserve.  Present a love offering to God by rehearsing the ways He’s been good to you.  Intentionally make a list of the bounty you’ve overlooked.

Be your own best friend.  Treat yourself like you’d like to be treated.  Go crazy. Do something fun, unusual. Take a walk in the park; enjoy a bubble bath; go to the movie with a friend; jump in a hammock with a book collecting dust.

Rebuke the enemy.  When he says, “You’re a failure as a mother”-or-“You have nothing to live for.”-or- “You’ve been cheated out of the ‘good’ life,” replace the lie with the truth: God withholds nothing good from those who walk uprightly.

Let go and accept what is. If you can’t fix your circumstance, then let it go.  To release it into God’s care means you’ve relinquished the right to stew and brew over an issue beyond your control. If it’s in God’s hands, it can’t be in yours, too. 

Pray.  Never underestimate your position as an intercessor.  It’s potent.  It’s powerful.  It slices through the strongest addictions and gravest separations.  Get on your knees; give your children the best ‘Mother’s Day’ gift ever: forgiveness and prayer coverage. 

So get ready, my friend.  On your mark; get set; go!  Take a deep breath and a hearty leap into this day knowing: 

I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. 

                       Philippians 4:13

For Mothers Only -Tip #4 – “Modeling Through Your Roles”

A role is a part you play in an event. The ‘event’ is your child’s life and no one has the assignment as the main character more than YOU.  Your children might have a grandmother, a godmother, or a stepmother, but YOU are their only “in house” mother. Your expanse of influence remains more vast than an array of a trillion midnight stars.

So what is your role?  Motherhood is forever, but it unfolds in seasons; so grab a hold of it in building greatness into your children's souls. Yes, YOU MAKE A DIFFERENCE!

-In the new born years, you’re the PROVIDER.  They’d die without your milk.  Research has proven their development demands your tender touch. You sustain them.

- In the early years, you’re the PROTECTOR.  Three-year olds explore: stick knives in electrical sockets, waddle their little feet right to the street.  You save them.

- In the elementary years, you’re the PROFESSOR.  You teach them about values: self-control, resourcefulness, flexibility, tolerance, orderliness.  You instruct them.

- In the teenage years, you’re the PARENT.  You set guidelines and hold tight with consistency to the rules. You let them suffer consequences. You guard them.

- In the college years, you’re the PARTNER.  You come alongside with wisdom in the decisions they make as young adults.  You support them.  

- In the adult years, you’re the PAL. You develop the relationship as a friend, one who listens without judgment and plays without restraint. You enjoy them.

So Mom, it doesn't matter which one describes you; just get rollin’ in your role.

For Mothers Only - Tip #3 - “Modeling Through Spontaneous Moments”

Jesus was a master at using spontaneous moments to reveal spiritual truth.  Encounter after encounter, He seized the opportunity to impart the light.  Remember the day the Samaritan woman came to the well for a drink?  Jesus met her on common ground and discussed something that already captivated her interest: water. She had a need, and Jesus had the answer.  His topic of thirst was relevant, and it changed her life.

As a mother, ask God to show you fun teachable moments. The times and places we consider most unlikely may be the times the children are most ripe for a life lesson.

Even a fish might hold
a spontaneous moment!

Such a moment occurred with I was fishing with son in his early years.  He caught a fish with the hook inside its mouth.  What a perfect opportunity for me to inquire, “Hey Jason, what if you caught a fish with a quarter in its mouth?”  He quickly replied, “I’d want to go fishing all the time, Mom!” Indeed, what ensued that night was a captivating bedtime story from Matthew 17: “Jesus Finds a Shekel in the Mouth of a Fish.”

So open your eyes and beware, my friend: a spontaneous moment likely awaits you right around the corner!

For Mothers Only - Tip #2 – “Modeling Outside the Box"

To effectively model values, you first have to discern God's values and then align yours with His.  One of my values when the children were in elementary school was to teach them to consider other people more important than themselves.

I thought I had the perfect way to model that lesson.  One day after school I took them to the hospital thinking it would be a good idea to visit someone and bring along a basket of good cheer. Upon entering the 2^nd floor, the nurse told me the man down the hall could use a word of encouragement.

"Great!" I thought.  Yet when we walked up to him I noticed an ear had been badly damaged due to a motorcycle accident.  Yipes!  Jason and Sara freaked out with us scurrying out of the hospital with them horrified FOR LIFE! Ooops.  My lesson backfired.  That happens sometimes.  To this day, my daughter detests hospital visits.

Sometimes our intentions are good, but the outcome is bad.  Today we laugh about the man with the bandaged  ear and my desire to teach them the value of kind deeds.  But the point was made, and hopefully they’ve found their own way to care for others. 

For Mothers Only - Tip #1 – "Modeling Begins Early"

Parents’ role as a model begins early.  It doesn’t take long to realize that babies are on a search to mimic something. It became ever so clear to me when my eight-month-old granddaughter began sticking out her tongue and panting with deep, harsh breaths.  I wondered, “What in the world is she doing?”  Then it became clear to us all. She was modeling Joey, the dog.


It’s never too early to begin teaching your children the simple values you want to define them: God is good.  Be kind to others.  Obey your parents.  Children are most moldable and flexible when they’re little.  Their bodies are supple and stretchable, just like their absorbent minds.  Frances Xavier, a sixteenth-century Jesuit leader and missionary once said, “Give me the children until they are seven, and anyone may have them after that.” 

In Exodus we see a beautiful example of the importance of early modeling.  It must have taken great faith for Moses’ mother to put her baby in a picnic basket and let him float down the Nile River alone toward safety.  But she did.  Is it any wonder that Moses modeled that faith later?

Now is the time to begin positive thoughtful modeling. It’s never too early to begin.

A Funny Sight to Behold

I had a blast today.  It was our Sporting Clays event, a fundraiser for our Survive 'N' Thrive Conference for single mothers.  In our silent auction we had some fabulous prizes; however, the most fun was this:

Yes, two footballs.  One from OSU signed by head coach Mike Gundy, and the other an OU football signed by head coach Bob Stoops.  Now you put OU fans and OSU fans in the same room, mixed with an auction for which football is more valuable, and you'll see men's love of school and that good ol' pride blend together for a hilarious scene.

End result? A SUPER FUN fundraiser for Arise! (hooray and tee hee at the same time!)

My Mother, Me, and the Murrah Building

I shall never forget it, April 17, 1995.  My mother needed to go to the Oklahoma City social security office.  She had just moved here and we needed to take care of her business so I drove her downtown.  We entered the Murrah Federal Building and waited in line for what seemed like hours to me.

I recall leaning up against those enormous cylinders of concrete posts inside the building as we etched our way to the front of the line thinking, "Good grief, these beams are huge. Wouldn't it be horrible if they came tumbling down!"  (Guess I had just read the story of Samson to Jason and Sara and how this Bible character had pushed similar beams over with his bare hands.)  Eerie feelings would not leave me alone as I thought about that building crashing down.

Two days later it did.  On April 19 (exactly 17 years ago today) Timothy McVeigh and Terry Nichols performed the unthinkable!  The blast destroyed or damaged 324 buildings within a sixteen-block radius, destroyed or burned 86 cars, and shattered glass in 258 nearby buildings.The bomb was estimated to have caused at least $652 million worth of damage.

On April 19th at the very moment of the bombing, I was in Rich's office (30 miles away) when his ceiling fan shook. We both marveled at such a horrific sonic boom.  As I was driving to Bible Study Fellowship moments later, I noticed a puffy white cloud on the ground in the horizon.  We were studying Moses at the time and I thought, "Hum, that cloud must be like the one that rested on the tabernacle in the wilderness.  HOW COOL!"

No, NOT cool.  Within minutes I heard about the bombing. Now it made sense...the sonic boom, the peculiar shaped ground cloud over Oklahoma City.  But why had I envisioned the building collapsing only a few days earlier?

Those thoughts still bother me a bit.  Some things I just don't understand.  But on this particular day I know this: I am grateful my mother and I were not in the social security office 'that' day.

At this very moment I am especially mindful of the mothers who lost their babies, the children who lost their parents, the spouses who lost their spouse, and the thousands of others who lost their friends.

May God's comfort fall like rain.