Are You Without Your Kids on Thanksgiving Day?

I have no memories of being with Jason and Sara on Thanksgiving when they were growing up.  They were with their dad.  Thanksgiving was NOT one of my favorite times of the year.  In fact, for a couple of years when November rolled around, I found myself sneezing and feeling achy, only to discover that I was allergic to Thanksgiving Day.  Until... that is until....I discovered something totally WONDERFUL!

Friend, there’s no getting around it.  It hurts that your kids are not with you on a holiday.  However, face the facts. You can’t change, fix, or reverse it.  So what can you do to make the day count?  You might have to ask God the same question I did, “Ok, Lord, my happy little image of Thanksgiving is shot; so what’s yours?”

 I’m sure God didn’t like it either that I was without my kids, but HE wanted to give me something FAR GREATER than the temporal 24 hour blessing of a memory with my children eating turkey and dressing.  HE wanted to bless me with an uninterrupted day with Him alone, where my 'sole and soul' purpose was to rest intentionally, on purpose, in the center of HIS will not mine.  So what was His will for me that day?

It’s simple (but kinda hard, too) - God commands: 1 Thessalonians 5:18 - In everything give Me thanks: for this is My will for you in Christ Jesus. 

“Everything???”  I thought.  “Even a childless Thanksgiving Day?”  So I took God up on the offer to pursue giving thanks ALL day.  I started a few personal traditions that I still do to this day.   It’s magnificent.  It’s stupendous.  It’s paid eternal dividends that far exceed lunch memories. It’s shaped my character.  It’s shaped my walk with Christ.  And ultimately, it’s shaped my own children’s faith now that they are married adults.  So listen up.  Here's my advice. 

(But first of all, let me mention, some of you reading this have lost your children to death. I’m totally speechless.  I’ve never lost a child, and such thoughts certainly put a new perspective on being without your kids for only “a day.”  Please know I have you in my heart.  May the Lord extend His comfort to you over the holidays and give you the grace to read articles like this one for goodness sake. I love you and certainly felt a little quickening to address you while I was writing this.)

Yet now, for the rest of you who will be away from your children for only day, here’s a few suggestions (and yes, please do keep things in perspective).

l. Never complain to your children or make them feel bad that they are with their dad and not you. Tell them to have a wonderful time as they leave.  Give them a little toy turkey to take with them and tell them to remember when they hold it to thank God for their family. (Even though you’re hurting, doesn't mean they have to.)

2. Get outside yourself that day.  Volunteer at a homeless shelter or somewhere like that. Ask God to make you a blessing to someone else.  One year I visited nursing homes and just went from room to room and said kind words. (In the name of Jesus I was enabled to do kind acts outside the realm of my own sadness.)

3.  Buy a journal and go to the park.  Be still.  Listen.  Look at the Fall leaves.  Record all the things you are thankful for.  You’ll be surprised how the Lord will bless you when you create a catalog of your unthanked blessings. 

4.  Make your children an “I Love You” banner for their rooms.  When they return they might be sad to have to transition into another household again.  Make their rooms a safe and warm place where they want to return to it.  Then share with them all the "cool" things you did on Thanksgiving and how God accompanied you in your day. Inquire about their Thanksgiving, but put a shield over your heart before you ask.  WARNING: IT WILL HURT... so get out your broom so you can quickly brush it right off your heart. 

5.  Spend time with family or friends.  And if you’re totally alone, give yourself a “Me” day.  One year I spent the whole day in the movie theater… alone – Yum yum.. I ate lots of buttered popcorn.

6. Whatever you do, play a game with yourself in your heart.  The game is…"Today, Lord, this is OUR day. I am going to verbalize one by one the specific ways you’ve been good to me and say thank you out loud."  You’ll be amazed at the unexpected goodness that will boomerang your way later.

7. Be filled with Joy!  Choose JOY.  Read my blog below!  You get to pick.  Choose JOY or choose DEFEAT.  And why would you choose defeat?

8. Ultimately, your children are absorbing the attitudes and lifestyle you model.  It almost happens by osmosis!  Make sure what’s coming out of you is Christ honoring.  It will serve you and them well in later years. I PROMISE PROMISE PROMISE!!

God bless you as you seize this Thanksgiving and make it uniquely special.  It’s hard, but God will enable you to do what He’s called you to do.  And in the end you will be able to say like I can now almost 25 years later that NOT having Jason and Sara Thanksgiving Day over the years is the “worse/best” thing that could have ever happened to me.

Love you tons and tons!